Managing Holiday Stress & Expectations: Finding Calm and Connection as a Family.

By: Jake LaFramboise, MAEd, BCBA, COBA, LBA

November 3, 2025

The holidays are often described as "the most wonderful time of the year," yet, for many families, this season can bring as much stress as it does joy. Disrupted routines, social gatherings, travel, and pressure to create picture-perfect family moments can make it easy to feel overwhelmed.

As someone who works closely with families, I often remind parents, caregivers, and older clients that stress does not mean something is wrong; it's a natural response to increased demands and shifting routines. The goal isn't to eliminate stress, but to navigate it with awareness, flexibility, and compassion.

As we enter into the holiday season, here are 7 tips I use and recommend for those trying maintain calm and connection as a family:

1. Recognize the holidays are stressful

   Structure helps both adults and children feel regulated. However, along with holiday joy often comes disrupted schedules and changed routines. Examples of common sources of stress include:

   1. Changes in sleep schedules

   2. Changes in meals and eating routines

   3. Financial constraints

   4. Time constraints

   5. Managing differing values among family members

   6. Overstimulation from noise, lights, social gatherings, and change

   When one or more of these factors pile-up, both adults and children are likely to feel fatigued, emotionally reactive, or demonstrate behavioral problems. Beginning to acknowledge these sources of stress can be a meaningful first step toward managing it.
   

2. Plan Ahead

   Between work schedules, events with family and friends, and religious traditions, schedule changes are inevitable. By planning ahead, families can be better prepared to address and manage recognized stressors.

   1. Financial Planning

      Consider your current financial situation and what you can afford to spend. Make a list of expected holiday expenses prior to the holiday season and budget your finances so you contribute to your holiday funds throughout the year. Avoiding overspending or purchasing gifts which will require additional payments throughout the upcoming year.

      
      

   2. Scheduling

      As the holiday season nears, use a calendar or planner to schedule events and commitments. Avoid overbooking, and prioritizing your own needs and the needs of your immediate family. Remember, it is okay to say no. Sometimes, saying no is the healthiest thing we can do, and should be celebrated.
      

3. Maintain Healthy Habits

   The holidays are notorious for ruining healthy habits, contributing to feelings of stress and dissatisfaction. Consider a short workout each morning, encourage family activities such as ice skating or sledding which build connection while getting in extra exercise. When traveling, bring healthy snacks to avoid unnecessary stops with tempting unhealthy options, and eat more filling foods before attending parties or celebrations to avoid overeating.
   

4. Shift the focus from perfection to presence

   As we scroll on social media, look at holiday ads, and watch holiday movies and tv shows, it is easy to feel pressured to create "magical" holidays. However, striving for perfection usually leads to exhaustion and disappointment. Instead, I encourage you to identify what masters most this holiday season to your family. Consider values like rest, connection, gratitude, and fun. Allow those values to guide your decision making. When you shift from "doing it all" and worrying about the next party or picture perfect moment, you miss out on opportunities to connect with your family. Instead, create meaningful memories and relaxed experiences for everyone by focusing and relaxing in the present moment

   
   

5. Prioritize Self-Regulation & Self-Care

   Self-care is not a luxury, it is a necessity, especially during the holiday seasons. By prioritizing personal well-being, individuals can navigate holiday stress more effectively and strengthen family connections. Start small by doing something for yourself, whether it is a movie night, ordering takeout instead of cooking, doing a face mask, or taking a nap. Individuals who practice self-care are better adept to supporting others and prepared to make meaningful memories with loved ones.

   
   

6. Support children through structure and flexibility

   Children need structure. Many behavioral problems arise due to uncertainty and lack of expectations.

   1. Identify which routines can and should remain consistent

      1. A sense of stability can be created by maintaining a few consistent routines, such as breakfast or bedtime.

   2. Preview changes in advance

      1. Use "Grandma's Rule" by incorporating first-then statements (i.e. "first we are going to Aunt Jane's then we can go home and watch tv").

   3. Use a visual schedule

      1. Use visuals to represent the daily schedule, and reference this often.

   4. Use visual timers

      1. When setting boundaries, use visual timers to help kids understand and anticipate expectations involving time.

   5. Allow kids to share in decision making

      1. Sharing in decision making can help kids feel a sense of autonomy. Shared decisions an be as small as deciding how to transition to the car (i.e. "should we run like Flash or fly like Superman?").

   6. Reinforce positive behavior with praise and attention

      1. Providing praise and positive attention can help encourage kids to continuing engaging in a desired behavior.

   7. Build in quiet breaks to allow for decompression

      1. Everyone, especially kids, get tired and need a break. Plan times for kids to decompress from the holiday events so they can continue having fun later in the day.

         
         

   Remember: predictability does not mean rigidity - it's about balancing structure with empathy and flexibility.
   

7. Set boundaries with kindness

   Before gatherings and events, discuss with your family boundaries surrounding holiday events to protect your family's values and energy.

   1. Limiting the number of events

      1. Collaboratively determine the number of events your family is able to attend within a day and week. Set limits in alignment with your family's values.

   2. Pre-establishing time limits

      1. Prior to attending an event, collaboratively determine how long you will attend. Be consistent and honor these time commitments.

   3. Prepare responses to unsolicited advice

      1. Often times, certain friends or extended family members have differing values from the immediate family. Be prepared to kindly address comments made surrounding parenting and/or family choices (ex. Thank you for sharing. We're doing what works best for our family).

         
         

8. Normalize mixed emotions

   The holiday season can bring about many mixed emotions, such as joy, grief, and loneliness. Children learn how to regulate emotions from the adults in their life. Adults should be open about their feelings and model healthy ways to express their emotions. Creating a space for honest and empathy can contribute to developing meaningful holiday experiences for the whole family.

   
   

9. Encourage a values-based approach

   A values-based mindset can be used to identify what is important to the family. These values prioritize what is important to the family and should direct every aspect of the holiday season. Consider the following:

   1. What do I want to remember this holiday season?

   2. What will help the family feel grounded, connected, and at peace?

   3. What traditions feel supportive, and which should we let go?

Stress this holiday may be inevitable, but it doesn't have to define it. By engaging in mindfulness and taking a values-based approach which prioritizes the family, meaningful holiday memories can be created.